“Life’s Not Fair” Not the Answer For Today’s Child

Child Watching the Morning News

“Life’s Not Fair”

I heard that a million times as a kid. It was the standard parental answer whenever a complaint was filed. But, I never for once thought that my parents knew anything about reality and that life would not be fair.

As a parent, I find I rarely say to my 9 year old son, “Life’s not Fair.”

My son has a greater sense of life’s inequalities more than I ever did when I was his age.

When I was his age, I didn’t have the internet or CNN or Smart Phones. As a kid, we had a newspaper and I didn’t read it.

Caution Life is Not Fair

Caution Life is Not Fair

Life’s Inequalities

My son watches the morning news, has access to the internet, and has a Smart Phone. My son saw the news the morning after the Las Vegas Shooting, the biggest mass shooting in American History. Not long before that, he watched hurricanes rip through Texas and Puerto Rico all from the same vantage point.

My son sat in that same seat from where he watches the latest news when his father told him he was leaving and moving to the same city where the terrible mass shooting occurred. He choice to tell him this breaking news the day after the mass shootings occurred. My son learned a very hard lesson, timing is everything.

A Parent Leaving is a Huge Transition for Today's Child

A Parent Leaving is a Huge Transition for Today’s Child

Why his father choice to tell him that particular day or why he is moving in the first place is not well understood by me and will be a source of confusion for my son. He will likely carry the confusion throughout his life.

Yes, “life’s not fair.” But I rarely utter those words to my son because he rarely says, “that’s not fair.” He knows at 9, that fairness only applies to sporting events and has actually nothing to do with life.

What To Do

What can I offer my son that will bring him some form of reprieve? “Life’s not fair” would not be much comfort.

I offered my son my tears, hugs, and kisses. I later slipped a letter onto his bed. He may not fully understand the words now, but I hope they guide him through his life for years to come.

Sometimes life gets creepy. Things don’t happen for a reason. Things just happen. We generally can’t make sense out of a lot of things. So maybe it’s best not to try. Most things happen without our control. Move forward no matter whatever happens and try to always do better. After all, we can always do a little better.

There is a beautiful flame that burns very bright inside of you. Don’t let the actions of others, even those you hold most dear, dampen your fire. You are solely responsible for your own flame. The words and actions of others are not yours. Don’t let them define who you are. The only thing that matters is what’s in your heart and in your mind. You hold the key to both. You can feel and think however you see fit. When you are sad, feel sad. When you are happy, be happy.

Your heart is pure. You are absolutely perfect.  

My son and I are trying to find the answers together. I hope through writing and sharing with other’s, I will gain insight into my family’s next stage of transition. If you have enjoyed this article, subscribe to Experimental Vitality and don’t miss any future articles.

About Melissa Schaar

I am a scientist, teacher, student, friend, and mom. I am on a journey to my ultimate vitality. That journey includes living to the fullest, loving everyday, laughing whenever possible, and a constant state of learning.

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